It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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