i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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