we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
