Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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