I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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