You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
