I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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