I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Enjoy the penises
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
