I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What did we do last night that was yellow?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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