Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize