RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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