I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
