so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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