how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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