theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
