i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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