I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
