And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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