My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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