We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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