My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize