I look better un-naked...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
