I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize