walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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