You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
