Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
