last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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