he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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