I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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