How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
