One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
wow bdsm is so cute
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