we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize