we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
