Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
