life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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