i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you made out with another girl for some wings
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