An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
