It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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