You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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