I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
