Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
