and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize