Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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