I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
