his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize