I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize