We're facebook friends in real life
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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