$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
id be glad to
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
