Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He shit in the fireplace
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
