Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize