If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
