Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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