I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize