Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
