wakey wakey hands off snakey
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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