watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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