you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
50% drunk capacity currently
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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