Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
