All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
