I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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