Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
