No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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