Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize