my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
