btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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