you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
