dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
