hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
