The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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