Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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