I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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