He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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