my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
