I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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