And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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