Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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