haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
