just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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