Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
