Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
