About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
where am i from again
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
