so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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