What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize