..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize