Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
