couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
