That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
