it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
