can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
