I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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