woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
