What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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